What society thinks of single fathers
Before I became a single father and raising my daughter on my own, I didn’t pay any attention to how society views single fathers. Once I became a single parent, I started to see the way society really looked at single fathers and single mothers. I started to realize that single fathers were looked at as bad people, predators and rapists. We are looked at as guys that beat women and kids. If we have kids and are single, we must have done something to deserve our ex’s to leave us, it is our fault not the woman’s. We hear everyday and see ads everyday about the poor single mothers who struggle to survive. We hear about how a single mother was beaten, abused, or whatever misfortune a man has done to them. We hear the horror stories and then society bundles up every single mother into these situations and catalogs all single mothers as struggling and have had something bad happen to them because of men.
This thought process that society perceives about single fathers has really made me very angry. I think what makes me the angriest are the people and companies that are capitalizing on the poor single mothers. Even the politicians have spoken in the debates about the poor single mothers who won’t be able to afford the gas or to be able to pay the bills and will have a hard time raising their kids. Hmmm, what about the single fathers? Don’t we have the same bills, the same gas prices, the same struggles, etc? Don’t we have to get out kids to school, work, do dinner, laundry, etc.? Don’t we deserve to have department stores to have sales for single fathers too? Don’t we deserve to have financial help and even to have government help that single women get? Yes, I know we can get government help the same as single moms can, but it seems that we have to go through more hoops; we don’t get any sympathy, but disgust. At least that is what I have experienced. Everywhere I go, look and hear, it is the poor single mothers.
My whole point of this post is to vent some, but to also start a conversation to address societies views about us single fathers. How does everyone feel about how people view us? What are your stories about this topic? Personally, I am tired of it and very angry. I think we deserve the same perceptions as single mothers.
Reader Comments
I couldn’t agree with you more! I am a single father with 2 kids. I am raising them on my own too. I am mad about the views society has about single fathers. I think I am more than capable to raise my kids and raise them right. I can give them love and care, just the same as a woman. I don’t understand why men are thought of as idiots and bumbling fools that can’t figure out what a mop is or does. Or how to use a broom or wash clothes and, oh hey, even fold them. I am tired of companies and politicians who use single mothers for their ads. I would like to see single fathers being used for ads too. It really isn’t fair!
I’ve been divorced for a little over a year now and have shared custody of my two boys. In the past year I have had them 90% of the time because their mother doesn’t take them on her week, and if she does take them, she usually brings them back early because she says she can’t handle them. My ex never wanted children and when we were married she neglected and abused my boys. She left me for another man that she had cheated on me with. All this being said, I seem to notice that everyone she meets that I run into, automatically hate me before even speaking to me. They won’t give me the time of day. So, I have experienced first hand the prejudice of society toward single fathers. Not to mention, that when I tried to apply for food stamps, I was informed that I could not draw assistance on the boys because my ex was. When I explained to the case worker that I had the children a majority of the time, I was told that it made no difference. She proceeded to tell me that the rules stated that because we have shared custody, if she had the boys for at least 20 seconds out of each month, that she was entitled to claim them. She told me the only way I could get benifits was to talk my ex into dropping her claim on the boys, otherwise there was nothing they could do for me. This angeres me, because I know if things were reversed, they would have cancelled my claim to give her the benifits. I have also noticed that companies tend to be understanding of absences and tardies from single mothers, but not single fathers. And thay are more willing to work with single mothers on scheduling. The question I ask is: When is society going to catch up with what is going on today. I have noticed that single fathers are becomming more and more common. That roles are reversing.
Thanks MAC! I am seeing some improvement in society, but we still have a long way to go. I too have gone for assistance and was shoved aside so the social worker can take care of the poor single mother that just walked in with three kids crying. Then, when she decided she will now help me, I wasn’t treated as well as the single mother. I have had many people that I have encountered and they commend me and tell me that it must be so hard for me, etc. etc. etc. I understand that they mean well, but I remind them that I am a man, not a Neanderthal and that I do know how to cook, clean, do laundry, nurture and do anything else that a woman or a single parent can do. I remind them that fathers have just as much love for their kids as mothers and that is all that it takes in raising our kids. You would think there would be more help for us and society would actually look at what the kids are becoming today. A lot of kids that are getting into trouble are being raised by single mothers that aren’t paying attention to them or raising them correctly. But hey, single fathers can’t raise our kids correctly, our kids will be on the street and getting into trouble and they won’t be raised with any values. Hmmm, makes me think how ridiculous this thinking really is.
I think it is important for all of us single fathers to band together, get involved more with each other and help each other. If we look at the single mother websites, you will see a lot of bonding and helping each other. We need to do the same thing. If we just look for answers and we don’t participate and help each other, how is society going to change their views? How are we going get the respect we deserve if we don’t all band together? That is the purpose of my website. We must share our stories, ideas, suggestions, frustrations and offer advice and help to each other. We must band together!! – Bob